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Back in November, we did a family activity that Big Life Journal created. (I will link to that Instagram post at the end) We created tree posters to help remind us that we are strong like a tree. The wind is your challenge and tries to knock you down, but the roots of the tree hold you strong. It was fun to see what our kids chose as their roots, and it made us take a good look at what is holding us up.
Riley and I have thought about this family activity a lot. We decided to create a tree for our marriage. Every marriage needs to have roots to keep it grounded. If we didn't have any roots, there is no way we would have made it this far. Especially dealing with everything we have endured over the past seven years.
These are our four most essential roots to have in marriage:
Communication - Open communication is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. It's how you understand each other, relate to each other, express your feelings, and validate one another. When there is no communication, it becomes easy for the relationship to end. When you communicate with your spouse, you need to do it in a healthy way.
Healthy communication has no judgment or assumptions. You listen with the intent of just listening to them. To be able to understand what your spouse is feeling. If possible, when it comes to hard conversations, it is crucial to do so face to face. Never text. Face to face communication is more vulnerable and gives you and your spouse a chance to connect.
Date Your Spouse - I always gave this topic an eye-roll. Riley always wanted to go on dates. I couldn't fathom the idea of other people watching our kids. I figured when you're married, especially with a family; every night is date night.
It took our marriage to be completely in turmoil, before realizing how important it truly is to date your spouse. Riley always wanted to have that one on one time. I never saw how important it was for him, let alone myself, to have this. Now that we have been dating weekly, I realize how different we've become. While we have very similar wants and expectations, we still need this alone time to remember why we fell in love.
Not dating your spouse isn't a complete deal-breaker, but it is vital to have that time together so you can maintain a friendship. Try new things together, laugh, hold hands, and try not to talk about the daily tasks, work, or kids. Save those topics for regular days. On date night, get dressed up for eachother and put the electronics away. Your love life will thank you.
Goals Inside Your Marriage - With New Year's resolutions, everyone is always talking about how they are going to better themselves. What about your marriage? What goals can you set up to make your marriage a success? Don't just set a goal at the beginning of the year. Sit down with your spouse and create goals that are important to the both of you. Goals that will help your marriage become stronger. Such as more date nights and make it a priority.
Create short term and long terms goals, and refer back to them often to keep your marriage on track. Write them down and hang them up. Know which road you and your spouse are on together. In this life, we are all moving a million miles an hour. You do not want to finally look up and see that your spouse has been going the other way. Get on the same road, let your wife ask for directions, while you read the map. Make your decisions together and enjoy the beautiful ride.
Physical Intimacy - This one was so simple when we were dating. We always had to be holding hands or cuddling. Once we got married, it became easy to take advantage of each other and neglect each other's needs.
It doesn't always have to be intimacy in the bedroom. After all, It's been said intimacy starts outside the bedroom first. No, I am not talking about doing the dishes either. It's a little butt smack or a squeeze. It's holding hands in the car, cuddling during movies. Walking into a room and acknowledging your spouse is there. Do this by kissing them or hugging them from behind.
Make sure these little touches are frequently going on. Don't always make them sexual. For me, with Riley, I hate it when his touch is only sexual. It triggers me. I begin to feel like an object and get instantly turned off. I feel more connected to him when he wants to hold my hand or cuddle just because he loves me. Not because he wants some later. I Believe Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood have it right when they sang, "Remind me..... when we were so in love..... Don't just assume I know."
There are so many more great marriage roots out there. These are just our top ones. We would love to hear what marriage roots you guys have as a priority in your marriage. We hope this has helped you. Strong, healthy marriages are built over time, and it's not easy. When you are both willing to do the work together, your roots will intertwine and grow deep.
We are looking forward to the new year with all of you! Thank you for reading. Remember... You are worth all things great and wonderful in this life. You are worth fighting for, and so is your marriage. Protect it.
As promised, here is the link to our Instagram post on our family activity trees.
Tiffany & Riley
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