Porn kills love

Growing up, I had no idea how bad porn was. At the age of 11, I was introduced to porn. That first day I felt like it was weird and off. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. But after a few times of viewing it, I was hooked. I had some friends introduce me to porn, so I felt as if it was no big deal. My mom had told me stories of people losing their jobs over the usage of pornography. I didn't see the effects of it until I was in my 20's. Now I can look back and notice how it affected my teenage years and how it affected my interactions with people. I already was a shy and quiet person, and porn just made me more of that. Girls scared the heck out of me. I was not sure how to talk to or act around them. I just knew I was attracted to girls. They say that porn makes your brain objectify people. I have a couple of memories I can distinctly look back on and see that I definitely did that.

Any addiction can make you want to keep to yourself. It doesn't want you to have others know what you do. It wants to be kept a secret. It was like I lived two separate lives. At school or in public, I had to be this person that I was not behind my bedroom door. Because I did not want anyone to know what was going on. There were times I could have gone out and been with friends, but I chose to stay in and numb myself out with video games or porn. I did not feel good enough to be with friends. I felt as though life could move on without me. I some times thought of suicide, but I could never act upon those thoughts. I believe that porn even made me dumber. It made me lazy. I felt so much shame due to what was going on in my life.

I love my parents, and I know that they want me to have a good life and be happy. But I feel they did not know how to help me cope with things. I am still trying to learn today how to handle certain situations, and how to deal with feelings that I am feeling. If I am sad, stressed, or angry, I would need to numb those feelings. I needed a hit from my drug, and I did not want to be where I was. I didn't even know how to handle joy or happiness in my life. I needed to numb myself from those feelings as well.

Something Tiffany and I are trying to normalize in our home is talking to our kids about sex and pornography at an early age so that they will not go through some of the same things we have gone through. Now, these talks are not meant for them to become sexually active. They need to understand that it is okay to have feelings about their sexuality. They are human, and we were created to need one another, but there is a time and a place for these things.

When I was a teenager, I would tell myself that when I got married, I would be the best husband. I would never cheat, and would never look anywhere else. That was my moral belief. How is it that someone can have wants to look elsewhere when what they are wanting is right in front of them? How can they go entirely against what they believe? Why would they allow themselves to be tempted by these things? I believe there is something or someone out there that makes us want to go against the things we believe. We still have the choice to not act upon those temptations, and if we do, that is on us.

I remember when I was a missionary, talking with someone in their store while sitting next to alcohol. I have drank alcohol before, but it was something that never really interested me. That day I had all the wants in the world to buy some of that alcohol and drink it. Now tell me how is it that for someone that is trying to help others and is against that, would have wanted alcohol? I will leave that up to you to decide, but for me, that was not my thoughts I put in my head.

So if there is someone putting thoughts in our heads that are not our thoughts, that we would typically have. How do we fight them? We are fighting against an enemy that does not fight fair. The enemy puts these things in our heads, knowing it can make us fall. The enemy knows the way we think and feel. The enemy knows how to attack us. Most of us would agree that when the enemy attacks, it is better to be proactive than reactive. So we must put things into place so that we can be prepared against an attack that we may have.

Somethings I do to help myself is to listen to music. Not songs that have derogative towards someone else or myself. I listen to upbeat podcasts or ones that help me have a growth mindset. Someone once said if you're not growing, you are dying. This is something I am trying to implement in life. I want to be an example to my kids. Teaching them, we don't just give up when life gets hard. But that we can push through hard things. Our family motto is "The Briggs' Can do HARD things because we are Brave, and we are Strong."

It doesn't matter what you may be struggling with. We believe in you. You can do HARD things because you are Brave, and you are Strong. Don't ever give up on yourself. We are always cheering for you.

Riley