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My therapist from Idaho reached out to me and asked if I would write a letter to myself. A letter I wish I had during the early stages of my recovery. One that will also uplift others in a similar situation.
It was a good challenge for me. It really had me thinking about what I needed at that time. Even if I would have had this letter, I would have been in so much shock and trauma that it probably wouldn't have done much for me. But it's something I can read in moments of triggers or sadness and know that everything is going to be okay.
Hello Beautiful Soul,
I know what you are going through right now is not easy.
It is a struggle. You are hurt, mad, confused, upset, and broken. You may be numb and do not know how or what to feel. Whatever the feelings, they are VALID. You have every right to feel and act in the way that you need.
Cuddle up in a blanket to shield your pain. Scream and cry in a pillow.
Know that it is okay to want to be alone. It is okay to want to tell the world. It is okay to be how you are at this exact moment.
It is so hard to catch your breath, I know. But you must breathe. Focus on your breath. It is such a blessing to be able to do so. Breathe life back into yourself. Focus your breath on where it hurts inside of you. You will be able to breathe again, I promise. But right now, take time throughout your day to focus on your breathing.
There is so much pain flooding through your whole body. I know what it is like to want to give up. The pain is unbearable. It will consume you. But hold on. Do not let yourself slip into the darkness.
I am here. I was there where you were. I know what it is like to hurt this way. My heart is breaking for you.
I also know what you can become. That is why I write this. To give you strength and hope when you refuse to see it. To let you know you are not alone. You are never alone, even though it feels that way sometimes.
I believe in you. You will get through this.
There will be days where you lay in bed and ignore what is going on around you. You will replay the story in your head over and over again. It is a never-ending movie that will not stop running through your mind. You will try to piece it together to make sense of everything. You will wonder where YOU went wrong.
I know it is hard to believe, and you will hear over and over again. "This is NOT YOUR FAULT" It is true. What happened has absolutely nothing to do with you. It reflects on how they view themselves and their failures. All their lies and deceit have come out to hurt you. You become burdened with their trauma. You essentially have become the victim. The world will continue to move forward, and you will seem stuck. Don't let all of that weigh you down.
You did not want this, nor did you choose this. But you can rise above it all.
They may have failed you sweetie, but do not fail yourself. In those dark times, journal your thoughts, talk to yourself out loud, talk to a trusted friend or family member. Listen to a podcast. Create a happy, sad, and angry playlist. Drown out the noise in your head with music. Feel the music flow through you. Read or listen to a book and if you are willing, get a therapist. Join a support group online or in person. Do not isolate yourself every day. Socialize, and get the help that feels right for you.
I know this feels like the end of your world right now, but your life is only truly beginning.
You may have lost yourself, but now is the time to reinvent who you are. Become someone better than you could have ever imagined. You have been betrayed, darling. The worst thing you can do at a time like this is to betray yourself.
Always trust yourself and your instincts. Don't put the focus on anyone else. You are in control of your future, your happiness, and your dreams.
You can do hard things!
You are Strong!
You are Brave!
You are more than enough!
You are much more than this.
You will survive!
Deep breath in
I am A survivor
Breathe out
I am Enough
Deep breath in
I am Worthy
Breathe out
Do not bury your pain. Let yourself feel. I know that it's painful. To heal, you need to feel. It will in no way be quick or easy. Healing and change will come, but it will be messy. Embrace it.
Don't panic when it's been a year down the road, and you wake up and have all the same feelings as you did that day one year ago. It happens, and it will continue to happen. Feelings are fleeting. They will come and go. They may linger for a while, but you can get through. You are braver than you know. You have to sit in your pain. You will grieve and grieve again. Get comfy in your grief. You will get to know it well. But with it comes peace.
Time will heal all wounds, my dear. It will be worth it in the end because you are worth it. Hang in there. I'm standing in your corner, and I'm rooting for you. We will get through this fight together. You are the champion and creator of your story. So grab the pen and let the healing begin.
I Love You!
Love,
Tiffany
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