Support Group

While Riley attended the 12 step meetings, I would go into another room where there is a support group for women whose spouses or family members are dealing with this addiction. It was always packed. Girls would sit on the floor, and the room was so hot because there were so many of us stuffed into a tiny room. They would have two older women teach the group, and their spouses taught the men. We had our own 12 step book different from the men, and we would read a section a week. Discuss it at the end, and then we would have sharing time, where we take turns sharing our experiences. Cross talk is not allowed, so it's hard to support each other.

My first time going was overwhelming, and once I left, I was pissed. That group made me feel like a terrible person. Every single person shared and granted they are all at different parts of their recovery (which at that time I didn't understand that), but they were all so positive and so kind and caring to their spouses. They would say their lives have been blessed because of this trial, and they knew that this was supposed to happen to them. Not one person was negative. I was furious and so mad. Are you kidding me!? Your husbands screwed you over! They lied to you for years! Even Cheated on you, and you are freaking thankful!?

I decided to continue to go to group because it might get better. So I completed the 12 weeks. I am so thankful I stayed! I started going on a different night and the group every Thursday was super small. It felt way more comfortable for me. Luckily a girl named Teresa also started going every Thursday. We clicked and became instant best friends. We would stay after the group and talk for hours. Other then our crappy situations we were thrown into, we had everything in common. The reason why we got along was because we were both negative. That sounds terrible that our friendship thrived off of negativity. But it couldn't have gone any better. She was the only light I had found in my darkness. We continued to go to 12 step randomly together and eventually that led to us hanging out almost every day. I finally had a friend who not only understood, but who I knew I could trust because her trust had been shattered as well. Teresa and I helped rebuild each other.

A support group is a great thing. At the time, I didn't realize that I wasn't ready to accept what I needed to know. Recovery and healing is a process. The steps they teach you are extremely helpful. I was not ready to learn, but I still went and ended up getting a lot out of it and even found a lifelong friend. Having someone you can trust that won't judge you is vital for your healing. Even though Teresa and I started with the negativity, we always supported each other and helped each other see the good. We had empathy for one another. Our friendship would not survive without it.

For anyone who is struggling with their spouses or even a family member or a friend's pornography addiction, I strongly encourage you to go to a support group. And if you don't want to leave to go to one, you can attend online meetings that are also great and helpful. Here are some links to the support groups that I know of, online and in person.

https://www.overcomingpornography.org/?lang=eng

https://www.sanon.org/

https://salifeline.org/