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Just two days after this photo, my husband had sex with another woman.
Missy knew he was married with kids. That didn’t matter to her (or Riley apparently) because they were going to be together.
Their plan to meet for the first time had been in the works for weeks. Throughout the six months of the affair, Annah would fly out here to “see” him. Once I found out, we separated. After the separation, Riley moved Annah out here from Colorado.
They had gotten a place together the last month of the affair. Once they got all settled in, he left. He came back home to be with his family.
Pretty unreal, right? (Don’t worry, she went back to Colorado the next morning)
I reached out to Missue after Riley came home. The mistress is always dying to tell the truth, and I wanted it. She tried to hurt me as Riley had hurt her. I told her I didn’t hate her. That I felt sorry for her and myself, we were both naive.
She took a day to write back and explained their so-called “love story” in excruciating detail. Every touch, smell, conversation, and place they have shared has been permanently tattoed on my brain.
I thought a 41-year-old woman would be more mature. Not Annah. She’s an angry person with a sad soul and horrific life. (I feel bad for her) She proceeded to tell me how it didn’t matter if it were years down the line. If Riley ever reached out, she would take him back.
Well, I hate to say it, but it wasn’t years. It was barely one. Their reconnection only lasted a few days. Even if it had been less than an hour, that wouldn’t have stopped the pain from flooding back in like it was the first time.
The man I loved and thought I knew, had a heart of ice. His actions speak volumes. I didn't realize I wasn't the only one being hurt by this man.
I am very fortunate to have a loving family who cares so much. I quickly take their support and kindness for granted and don’t see it as love all the time.
Taking Riley back took a toll on healthy relationships. I felt stuck in the middle. How can I choose? Why do I have to choose?
Sometimes it’s easy for an outsider to see what you can’t. But it’s also hard to believe something you can’t see.
My family has always been there for me, especially in the hardest of times. But once Riley was back in the picture, I felt utterly alone.
It took a while for me to communicate that to my family. I didn't know-how. It hasn't been easy for them to understand or forgive. I get it. I truly do.
Thankfully my family is supportive. We are still mending our relationships, but I’m not alone anymore. Communication, understanding, and patience have been the key.
To better understand the sex addict in their addiction, you need to know its a double life they lead. The sayings below are how it feels (at least to me). What they say to you, and what they are thinking, formed into one.
“Family day! Let’s grab lunch and play at the park. I’ve missed you guys since I’ve been working so much; let me shower and masturbate to pornography. Then we can go.”
“Good morning, baby! Let’s go to the mall and get you that necklace you’ve been wanting. While you are getting ready, I’m going to have phone sex with an escort.”
“Hey honey, I found a house for us to look at, that has everything we want. Before I show you, let me delete this dating app where multiple women think I’m single.”
“Yes, babe, I’m on my way home. I can’t wait to cuddle. I’ve missed you! I just need to stop at a gas station first to masturbate and send a few d*ck pics.”
“Hey baby, before we make love... let me text this girl and say I’m alone and wishing she was with me tonight.”
“Don’t worry, sweety; I’ll pick up the kids from school today, right after I meet a chat room hook up for sex. Then I’ll grab an everybody ice cream.”
“Baby! The bank account has been scammed! Thousands of dollars are missing for dating and porn sites. We need to cancel our cards and file a claim. What pervert would steal our information for this? Oh, wait. It was me.”
Pretty messed up, right? It's easy for the addict to compartmentalize and even believe their lies. They want to look like the right person who loves you. In reality, they don't love you or even themselves.
Recovery is a long hard road for the addict and betrayed. I get told all the time how strong I am. Or how they couldn't do it if this were their spouse.
It's not about whether or not the betrayed is strong, or doesn't love their spouse. Because they are stronger than they know, and they do love their spouse. It's about whether or not they want that to be their life. They are continuing to endure the heartbreak, the relapse, the lies.
When recovery is real and genuine comes healing. It will make your life better and more significant. Healing will happen whether you stay or leave the relationship. Healing is the whole point of recovery. You just have to continue to try.
Riley is still in the beginning stages of his recovery. Recovery is his choice and his choice alone. He has grown but has quite a way to go.
I have learned from these experiences. I am better for it. Luckily, I am not in the beginning stages of recovery. I’m slowly healing. Recovery is worth it.
I would not change what happened. I feel stupid for saying that. But the growth, knowledge, love, and compassion I have now is because of this trial. I am not to the point where I am grateful for it. But I accept it.
It is your life, and it is your path. You choose it for YOU! You are strong, you are brave, and you are loved! I support you. I'm here for you.
I love you all!
Much Love,
Tiffany
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